Dear Spore,

I'm sorry it has to end this way, but our relationship really just isn't working out. I've stuck with it far too long for either of our good, and I'm afraid I'm going to have to break things off. I haven't found anyone else, so I haven't been cheating on you, but I can't say "It's not you it's me" either. Because it is you.

I know that people say you have to watch out who you pick up on the internet, but I guess you've got to learn some lessons the hard way. The first sign of trouble came when we met and you didn't look anything like your internet pictures or videos. You're not fat, you're just... well, smeary. Not as pretty as you promised you'd be. Over-baked. Low-res. It seemed like a bait and switch. I mean, you looked good in the editors, but in the game? Bleh.

And (sorry if this sounds rude) you're really just too simple for my taste. Believe me when I say I was looking for something casual, but you're beyond casual. You're lazy. You don't add anything to what I bring to the table. You turn everything good into the same-ol'-same-ol'. I feel like we could've really had something, but you weren't much of a giver. Maybe you were holding back so you could gouge me for more money later. That's what it felt like, anyway.

Plus, whenever we'd start to have a few hours of fun together you'd just stop putting out entirely. Corrupting my saves and my heart. I contacted your friends at Customer Support and they told me to reinstall you, but that didn't fix the problem. Then they stopped answering my questions and left me high and dry. Still haven't heard back from 'em. I'll bet you were laughing behind my back the whole time.

And, to be honest, even when you were acting like I thought you should, I found you a bit shallow. Even with all of your procedural verbs, you only seemed to be able to say a couple of things. Whenever I'd show you something new and cool, you'd just pigeonhole it into one of your five or six pre-determined categories.

Half the time you refused to share. You'd lose my creations or claim they belonged to Maxis. You seemed disorganized from the start, like somebody's pushed you out the door before you were ready to go.

And, boy! The nagging! I'm glad I won't be around to hear you complain about getting raided by pirates anymore. Know what? I think you like getting raided, you sicko. And you've definitely got a thing for ecodisasters. Get some therapy.

And now you want me to pay to check out more of your parts? Why would I bother when there's nothing going on upstairs?

Let's face it. You've got a lot of issues. You're more messed-up than my old fling with Star Wars Galaxies, and even more shallow. I never thought anyone would top her.

I know you're only interested in my money, but times are tight and I don't have time for gold-diggers. By the time you read this, I'll have already packed up my stuff and gone. Go give someone else a headache.

Oh, and tell your buddies EA and Maxis that I don't want to see them around anymore either.

Good riddance,
Grimbot

P.S. - I want my sweater back

i laughed really hard at that .. that was awesomely done

The saddest part is, I think a lot of people feel the same way. I know I do, hoping for something fixed, or an "extra" I won't have to pay for, 'coz I don't feel I got my money's worth either. A 'parts pack' prior to additional game features, a reasonable sporepedia, or even more depth as I've heard alluded to will be the end of it, unless it's free.

That was amazing.

Do you mind if I put that on my website with citations for you?

I'd really like that to get seen it's hilarious and painfully true.

That gives me hope in humanity stop it please its not nice XD. 5/5

Hahahaha that I daresay is the best review of Spore yet.

Hah, funny

Grimbot wrote: Snip...

Oh, and tell your buddies EA and Maxis that I don't want to see them around anymore either.

Good riddance,
Grimbot

P.S. - I want my sweater back

What a fantastic piece of work. I especially loved the context in which it was told! 5/5

That was hilarious

HoohooHOOOoo! Hahahah! LOL Too bad you're leaving! People with wit like yours should have been in Spore's Dev team!

Grimbot wrote:Dear Spore,

And, boy! The nagging! I'm glad I won't be around to hear you complain about getting raided by pirates anymore. Know what? I think you like getting raided, you sicko. And you've definitely got a thing for ecodisasters. Get some therapy.

Classic. I agree with everything you've written - the game could have been so much more.

Warrdean wrote:i laughed really hard at that .. that was awesomely done

yes funny but this is how many ppl fell right now abou EA

Thats awesome! ^-^ definitely worth the read.

*Bump*

I think a lot of us need a little comic relief...

First came Daikatana. Then Star Wars Galaxies NGE. Now Spore.

Excellent!! Sad but true.