I eat bananas for breakfast...I literally ate on this morning...LOLOLOL.

I give TPBM a diamond cap, gold pants, a diamond hoe, and a wooden sword.

Thanks! *swaps materials between sword and hoe, secretly*

I attack TPBM with my diamond sword.

My leather armor saves me, then I ride a pig off of a cliff and land it on TPBM

I used an ender pearl to teleport away.

I knock TPBM out, throw them into the end portal, then they die because ender dragon.

I spawn back in my bed. I send a hoard of zombies after TPBM.

Zombies? I kill them on my first nights!

I force TPBM to look at an Enderman.

It was in creative mode, I cut TPBM in half and throw them in a river.

My body somehow makes TPBM explode.

I have blast protection. I spawn angry chickens on TPBM

I throw chicken feed on TPBM's head.

I wipe it off and feed it to TPBM who is coincidently, a chicken, then, once the chicken is full, I chop its head off, gut it, wash it, add stuffing, rotisserie cook it, then time travel to thanksgiving and serve it as the main course. I then run away.

A chestburster pops out of my remains and transforms into a full Xenomorph, ruthlessly attacking TPBM.

I transform into Sijourney Weaver and light it on fire with my flamethrower, then use the flamethrower on TPBM

I am fireproof as always.

I throw a plate at TPBM!

I catch the plate, put some spicy food on it, eat the food, and then eat the plate. Then I spit razor sharp shards of plate at TPBM